Once a upon a time... Approximately A year back....There was a time wen I was in depress... After being cheated by a Real
Bitch ! Older than me 4 years old.. But my she was d 1st Love.. She was using me al dis wile... I found out her lies wen she beginning to change her behaviours towrds me... Even caught her red-handed in the HOTEL ROOM... Dat bitch was with her EX... Wer-else she lied she was shopping with her dad... Wat a EVIL HUMAN in form... Gave her my trust, gave her my love but in return... I get pain... Only pain... was hopin too much on her... Hated her to d max... max till i have cleaned er memories totally fom my mind... But i neva tot a miracle will happens again in my life after 2 years... I decided to dedicate my life to charities.. but i was lonely... i was not satisfied... in dis life... life was no more for me...
An
ANGEL WID D SAME LAS NAME APPEAR... I didnt knew... V were chatting frens at 1st... Added her randomly in friendster... I was lookin for real GIRL Friend... I never had 1 in my whole life... She was d 1 who gave me happiness again... I laughed at her jokes... Admired her brightness... She was smart and sexy in all her pix'z... neva tot of gettin a beautiful galfren like her... V chatted for many days.. At 1 point, both of us missed d way we chat before... I asked her number, she gave but it was proved unavail... WAT TO DO.. she was reli smart... then 1 day, i was having gathering in uncle's house in the middle of business discussions... I received a CALL..
I neva looked at the number but i aswer it... I was shocked ! It was her... From her voice, i knew it ! but didnt knew why she called... She made fun of me... I endured it... but i liked her style... She was brave... Never in my life i felt dt much of happiness... She was in control of my heart... I realised... May be she was sent to me again by GOD to feel the real love... Or... to show dat how much pain i can still endure... I wasnt aware of the consequences... I will do anythin for her, i decided at dat momen itself... I was never doubt she can be my life... Coz d way she behave... Both will talk for days even weeks if ever she wanted it... She was reli caring towards me... She made a lot of promises.. took care of me like a child in need of love.. she gave me evything a guy can wish for in return... I listened to al her request and made plannings to have real married man attitudes... decided to save eal my money for the wonderful future life wid her... But i didnt realised the love can be reduced by time gone... datz life... D 1 we love was not d 1 we can expect to love us... Its true... Wat to do... Notin can b done... As long as i love u... My love is true, neva in doubt... I did proved to her hw much love a guy can shower to his love of life... If she z no more... My life will end... She neva realised that... She tot i can still get another gal js like how i found her... She was wrong... She neva undstan... hw much i loved her ... i can still love her my entire life... but i musnt show it... i have mission ... I need to settle lot of things before i reli wana leave dis world...
We moved on happily... Wen to many places... Did as many things we can imagine ourself... F ony i knew she too wud left me alone again... I wud have made those moments most precious... I didnt knew, ter was no sign of leaving at all wen v were togather... She was happy... I knew dat for sure, but neva las long... She began to listen to others... She wasnt smart anymore... I do gave her everything she asked for, but it neva enuf... she gav me lot of advises... I listened to it everythin even thou i realised sum r not wiseable.. i ignored d rules of life... Accepted her words as a form of drugs... doing things for her, i did it coz dats my only excuse for me to meet her everyday... I did it happily... i wish i can c her happy face everyday.. i can make sure that happens...
BREAK UP.....We had d first real fite , she was wid her classmates to educational trip... But i id not knew she was in in her favourite place at dat time... I spolid her mood totally... i can feel her crying of the things i sed... I realised she was really in love wid me... i was too protective... it was my fault... i shudnt have done that... but deep in my heart i was upset... she usually wil tel me if she is doing sumthing that can hurt me... may be she wasnt aware wat r d things can make me sad n pissed... i shudnt hav done it... I manged to make her happy again... i promised her... not to do dat again.. she accepted my apologies... We moved on... Even happier than before... she was my queen... i made her to feel dat... I make sure each n every of her needs fulfilled... to prove her hw much i loved her... but soon after , the biggest fite happens on eve of her birthday... She even asked me not to call her exactly @ 12am... coz she was having competition wid her adik - a competiiton held by dem even before knowing me- ya. i sed... No prob.. cani cal afta dat ? of coz ! u mus ! she screamed... hehe... She sound very cute wen sh esed dat... But on dat the 11.55pm , 5 more mins for her birthday to reach... Hear stopping moment... I was prepared n thinking... She sed 12.00 rite, neva mentioned i can cal her @ 12.01 ite.. So i waited... Sudeni ! I was shocked by a
unknown guy ... He added me in YM list, i approved .. *F ony i did not done* he asked me R U *******'* BF ? yes i answered... I asked him bck , WHO R U ? he sed... M her fren... Dn i asked , Hw u knoe her n bot me n bot us? He answered : She told me... Looked at the watch : 12:05 ... I missed my mission and dream to surprised her was spolit by a STUPID guy... i was curious... Hw she knew him... May be her skulmate, her batch mate.. her chatting fren ? i diidnt knoe... D MOS FRUSTATED MOMENTS : Wats ur name ? He answered : ***** ! OMG ! he is havin the same name wid me ! And he bcame d 1st person to wish my love and not me !!! ??? damn ! pain... i was feeling it d 1st time ever... looked at the time : 12:30 : i kept qiuet... waited for my love to gv me hint to call her... she didnt... my anger bcome disappointment... : 01:30 : she still neva col o msg me... May be i shud hav msgd her... OMG ! OMG ! Wat hv i done ???? Y was i so stupid ??? Mourning... the 1sttime... i wasnt reli sure y d tears flow... thru my eyes... : 03:30 : She msgd... M sleepy ... Can i sleep ? i replied... Hmmm... - Y was i so stupid ? y i did nt msgd her 1st earlier... Its al bcos of dat IDIOT ! He ruins my mos important moment of my life... Whose fault ? Whose fault ? its al been fated that i must behaved like dat to make her hate me... Later afta dat, i cudnt sleep at al ...: 18:30 pm : i still don knoe she woke up dy o not... i was waitin for her to say morning... no msg... Hmm... sure she is busy replyin al her frens' msgs... may be daz y she forgot to sen me d usual morning msg... Hmmm... she msgd out of a suden... U HAVENT WISHED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY ???? wat happened to u ???? i was blur... Duno wat to reply... But dat IDIOT earlier still in mind... Shud i asked her ? Shud i ask her ? But she will b thinking m too suspicious... Can i ask her tomoro ? hmm.. but wat if she thinks dat m a guy who is having FILTHY attitudes in mind but neva shows in person... I dont ant to b labelled asdat... So, i asked her... Do u knoe *********** ??? She sed yes... Thank god, she was tellin d truth ... i was in relief... Hw u kneo him ? Who is he actualy ? He is my chattin fren... She answered... i felt : Wat ??? hw cum a chatting fren knoes so much bot us... ??? By rite he is still a stranger rite... ? hw can he knoes so much ?? wat did u told him actually ? i asked her... She replied : R u suspecting me ?? i was : OMG OMG OMG dun thinks dat ! i was not suspecting da... I wana knoe y out of sudden he contacted me dat too ON D EVE OF UR BUFDAY ??? Y shud he wana do dat ??? dat was wat i meant about... But she take it negatively... I undstan... It was my fault ... i was d 1 to blame... I shudnt have done dat dat too on her bufday... Damn ! wat i had done ! y was i so so so stupid ???? i asked sorry day after w/o ending the conversation... She hated me still ... I sed sorry... Was hopin for her to forgv me... but she was reli strong in her decisions... My life has GONE ! bcoz of my attitudes... I felt so sorry... i realised i was too far... Her mum advised her not to go for this kinda guy... her bro made ame feel more bad with his words... i was so embarassed... its true wat tey sed... i was reli wrong.. i m i m i m very sorry... but notin cud ever saved me nemore...
D nex day the real HELL PERIOD of my life started ... She was nt satisfied at al... I was crying inside out... She cudnt listened to it... i felt alone again after so long... Ya, my mistake... No msg o col frm her like she used to do... i can ny accept the pain... 10 days gone by... She msgd.... Hw to settle everything ? i sed dun undstan... She was refering to al the things that connected wid me legally... She doesnt wana have any problems in future... Asked me delete everything dat can b associated wit her personally... I was shocked? is dat d end ? y is she asking bot things dat got notin to do wid our fites al nw... I Fulfilled her... but i diidnt realised she has made up her mind to forget me frm her life... i KNE I WAS WRONG... but is id bes way to punish me ? by gvin me hint to fr final breakup wid no rooms of re-attachment back ? i wasnt sure... I was ny wan her to b happy.. ifailed her, may be daz y she decided to let me go frm her mind... i undstan... but wat can i do nemore... hw to make her undstan... she wen to thailand for 1 week... she didnt brought her hp i guess.. tried t call her but cant get thru... wat happens to her nw ??? OMG... i reli screwed up dis time... I wil neva eva forgv myself...
She came bck... Convinced her to meet again by tellin her wana bring to settle la her requests she wanted after breakup... Looked at her... she luks happy but sumtin is wrong in her face... She do feel sad... she was acting... I braved maself to touch her hand... she navigated away... Dat point of time... i reli realised ter is no chance for me again... D real closeness dat v used to hav is no more... wat can i do.... i felt weak... Sent her bck after fulfilled al her requests... Even asked her is ter ny chances to meet up again... she was being silent... i dun reli undstan wat dat means... but i was hopin... ter is still chnace... i knoe i can make her maine bck... i was confident... i don wana screw up my perfect lady... she is my soul... i will neva let her go... days go by... her msgs reli less... neva replys sumtimes... i was patience... entrusting my confident... At times, will be scolded for disturbing... i tot i reli was ... so i kept myself down... Alwiz SAYIN IN MY HEART - LEV HER ALONE - she need her space... let her feel d freedom she wanted... dun spoil her rights... she needs ony space... she started to ignored me totally... once in blue moon, i woud try to msg o col her... she ignored it totally at times cums... i was surprised... she wasnt like dat before... y wud she wana ignore me totally ? it isnt fair... but my mistake, so i shud obey her anger... 1 day she wil realise... y i did those mistakes... y i asked her forgvnesss... waiting for the 1 day to arrive...
It was a HEARTBREAKING MOMENTS...i have felt alone for too long... I just cant take it nemore.... I reli have lost my peace and life to move on... I dont know y sudeni she treated me like a stranger... We were very close... but she have forgotten me... i cried... cried... cried... cried the whole weeks... but still i cudnt go thru it at all... den i realised... May be she was never in love on me... She needed care, i gave... needed love, i gave... but she didint realised i needed love and care as well... i cannot do nythin nemore... i statrted to bcum a beast... the beast turned into evil ! i have started to gv her tortures... it wasnt me, m so sorry... i have no ideas y... may be bcos i saw ur profiles having fun times wid your frens... even sum wic i cant take it at al... i realised... i am no more... i even mentioned to take revenge on her sumhw... but i cudnt... i reli cudnt weneva she talked softly wid me , weneva she cry... i gav up... i was neva had d intentions nyway.. it was my anger made me said those things to u... but wat sed cant b amends nemore... i made myself a bad figure so dat she will move on... but m afred she will hurt by other guys in dis world... Coz tey r many guys in dis world wearing the good guy masked wer mos gals fall into trap... i was afred... i duno wat to do... i started to investigate bot her ... She did things dat i was afred of n disappointed wit it... she did dat coz she is sad... who m i to control her , even if she was my galfren i shudnt hav to do it... i wil neva do dat mistakes nemore.. she was doin wateva she felt happy wid n even goin out wid another guy... i wa upset y she had forget our memories.. ter is no plce in my area dat v neva wen togather before... she even had a car of her own but neva tell me bot it... i duno y... even d bes feelings for a guy to feel dat sitting bside his love driving the car around... she neva gav me... its a feelin wic she had tot of initially but she didnt.. she had her reasons....afta al, who m i... even asked her... she sed she cudn answer it... i have lot of questions unsolved but i gv up those to c u happy again... she has just made me thrown away like a stone into a ocean n neva eva surface onto d shore... but m afred... she must neva fall into wrong hands ... before i die , i wana c her happily wid d perfect guy eva... i wil make sure dat... i decided... i knoe my life will b end soon... i had a perfect life in dis world... Good parents , perfect bro and my evergreen lover... i have returned everything i owed them as a son and as a younger bro.. i got no regrets nemore... i knoe wat i reli wan... but wat else i can ask for in dis life nemore... i hav got everything... its enuf....
Den ysterday... i got to knoe from her blog... she mentioned bot her past... At las, i found out she is still in love wid her EX... I have lost to her ex... i dun deserve dis... not to a bastard whom i knoe all his activities during his days wid my queen... m nt a loser but at las i hav to admit it... dis prove m a loser again in dis cruel life... dis seems to happenin to me like deja vu... i shud hav knoe it cumin but... my love was more stronger tahn anythin... i feel really very disappointed... i m here in d same place * wic my angel knoes very well d palce* i am crying crying crying again n again w/o me contrlollin it at al... i m feelin so nervous... i dun wana live nemore... but i need to make my queen's wish cum true.. tears kip droppin but i still can write... I really cant take it at al... i drank again and again and again... dis time i had more than i can consume.. over limit... but m still can write ds blog here... may b not enuf bottles for me... o my capacity has been increased drastically since few days ago... but today was very heavy... i am alone here... i reli duno wat to do nemore... at least now i knoe d reason she has been hiding wid me... I dowan b like las time nemore... dis s my final chance to make my queen happy... daz al i can think of, even wen i unconscious dis is wat kips running in my mind... i have to make sure he will be wid her ny... m willing to do anything to any extend... i have no life nemore, but i wan my love to b loved again and again... i dun care of ny consequences nemore... dis will be my las ever attempts to make her foreva in happiness.. but her EX is wid other gal nw... i used to hate her EX to d max coz he had sed badly bot my family to her b4... dat anger gone... instead i was wanted my queen to b happy... i decidede n contacted her EX... Asked his forgvness even tho i did notin wrong to him b4... Begged him... at las he admitted he is still loving her but he cant cheat d gal of his current relationship... ya, its true... but i ignored al dat... i managed to made him feel miss her... for me my love is more important than any others... she can only b happy wid him , i made him realised dat... soon he will b wid her bck... m reli sory for his Current gal fren... m reli sorry... i shudnt hav done dis to dat gal.. but i ny want my baby to feel happy foreva.. m willin to do netin for it... please forgv me... nw m sure 1 day tey ill b happy togather... even f nythin happens to me, i can die in peace and make sure she will be happy in wateva circumstance... my soul wil alwiz b wid u da....... d memories wid u r priceless... no 1 can take dat away frm me... not even u ... Wishin u blissful married life... please dun spoil ur life wid wrong guy like me nemre.. u deserve to b happy like any other gals... god bless u da.... i will b foreva wid u wid soul n mind... lovin u foreva da...
